I don’t remember why, but I got sidetracked on my computer last week and wound up looking at some pictures Terry had taken of me in late 2010, early 2011. It saddened me to see how far I’d come with my weight loss journey during that time, only to be back at square one again. Well, I haven’t gained all the weight back yet, but I feel fatter now than I did when I first began this weight loss. Looking through the pictures, I was reminded that those size 8 jeans fit comfortably. I would be embarrassed to wear a size 10 out right now for fear of major muffin-topping! My stomach was finally starting to shrink, and I was ecstatic! I was getting a nice hour-glass figure, and I felt great overall because of the hard work and eating healthy (for the most part).
And then life happened. At least that was my excuse. But I am a huge stress eater. I need to find different avenues in which to relieve stress other than eating lots of unhealthy carbs. I want to be the type of person who goes for a jog when they get stressed. Now that would be awesome! But the idea of me running/jogging right now is horrifying! There are times during the gym’s aerobics or zumba class (when I actually go) where I feel my fat jiggling on my stomach and butt, and it’s embarrassing. I don’t ever remember that happening when I first started my weight loss journey in 2009. What have I allowed myself to become?
So, I decided to make a computer background out of those pictures, so each time I am at my computer, I will see the proof that I cando this. It will be a reminder as to why I shouldn’t get up in search of an unhealthy snack. This computer background will be part of my motivation to finally put down the cake and pasta and watch my portions at mealtimes.
I want to get this back, and I will do this! I have clothes I purchased the very beginning of February that I can no longer wear, some of which I haven’t even worn out yet. My size 12 Levi’s are getting uncomfortably tight. My current clothing options are rather limited in my closet right now, and I absolutely refuse to shop for larger sizes. While I have only gained 5½ lbs this year, it seems all 5½ lbs went straight to my stomach. 5½ is a lot when you think of it in terms of sticks of butter. That’s 22 sticks of butter. Wow. My stomach area is the main area I’m having issues with regarding clothes not fitting right. Just about all of my size medium shirts are too tight in that area, and it looks bad.
I have been told by two different personal trainers that no matter how much you exercise, no matter how many crunches, sit-ups, or other ab exercises you do, your stomach area is defined by what you eat. And let me tell you, it’s been absolute crap these past few months. I exercised 6 days last week, sweating like nobody’s business. One morning, I walked an hour in this God-awful heat and followed it up with a 40-minute strength training session at the gym. Another day, I burned 1,900 calories doing almost 4 hours of yard work. On Tuesday, I went to aerobics, and on Thursday morning, I went to zumba and followed it up with 2 hours of yard work. When I say yard work, I’m not talking about walking around and cutting dead blooms off my flowers. I’m talking about trimming/pruning larger things, filling up a garbage can many times, and walking to the edge of our property to dump it. I’m talking about walking up inclines from the back to the front of the house numerous times, going up and down 2 sets of steps each time I needed to go back in the house for water. I’m talking about being tired after those 4 hours and 2 hours of “get it done, don’t lollygag around about it” yard work. I think I overdid it Wednesday because I was so light-headed, and my face was so red from being in the heat that long. I hate summertime weather in Alabama.
Overall last week, I burned 5,851 calories. So imagine my disappointment when I stepped on the scale Sunday morning only to realize I had gained a pound. I do realize it could be muscle weight that was gained. But it was still disappointing. I didn’t bother to watch what I ate last week because, unfortunately, I had the mindset of, “I have burned x number of calories today, so I can eat whatever I want today and still not be able to eat back all of my exercise calories.” Yeah, not a good mindset. Fast food was in the mix quite a few times.
And to make matters worse, I have not lifted a finger any this week to exercise, and I’ve eaten fast food more times this week than last. This has to stop. I know I’ve said this in some of my posting before, but this has gotten completely out of control, and that stresses me out too! I was once able to commit myself to the gym 5 days a week. I was once able to count calories in the past, so I know I can do it again. It all depends on just how bad I want this, and right now, I am DETERMINED to wear some of these summery clothes I bought back in February before it gets too cold. That’s another reason I hate summer and prefer winter. I can never wear the fashionable, cute summer outfits I see so many wearing because my stomach and legs are ginormous. 🙁 So, I will start with my weekly accomplishment posts at the end of next week. I will make a new post later today or tomorrow outlining the things I would like to accomplish next week.